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"I will welease Bwian when I'm good and weady"



The aims of the Holy Webmaster and his minions are as follows -



To destroy democracy, or to be more accurate, what remains of democracy, so that the world shall be controlled by extremist politicians.  The Holy Webmaster does not care whether the extremism is of the left or the right, but he is of the opinion that right wing extremism has prettier uniforms.  On the other hand, the left has better slogans.  The Holy Webmaster has no problems with a planet full of imperialist running dogs wearing groovy black uniforms and jack boots.

To start lots of lovely wars.  Wars are good for profits, and for killing off young people who might, in later years, have opposed the word of the Holy Webmaster. War also enables governments and the bureaucracy to tighten their control of the populace and to shoot anyone who disagrees with the war.  It doesn't get any better than this.

To pollute the planet with industrial waste, so that all the animals die off.  Animals tend not to obey the dogma of the Holy Webmaster, and they do woopsies all over the place.

To destroy the vegetation of the planet and replace it with fitted carpet.  The Holy Webmaster already controls the world's carpet and vacuum cleaner factories.


To make talk back radio the only form of communication available to the human race.

To pass a law making war unlawful outside of peak television viewing times, and to limit all carnage to the period between commercials.  Soldiers and civilians dying during commercial breaks will be shot out of hand.


To extend that wonderful piece of evil, product activation, to the human race.  You have a baby, you have 30 days to activate and register the baby with the Holy Webmaster, or the baby locks up in tantrum mode.  You make any small alterations to the baby, e.g. circumcision, and the registration is invalidated and must be renewed.  You have to get on the telephone and, whilst prostrating yourself on the ground with your head towards Holy Redmond, convince some 18 year old typist that the baby you are reactivating is the same baby as originally registered.

To sign up television evangelists (if any) not already in the pay of The Holy Webmaster.


To make it compulsory to leave toilet seats in the up position.  Let the devil take the hindmost.


To strip search every female in the known universe. (Sorry, HM, Boy Scouts not included)






"Hi, mum, he didn't have to drill"


Notice the green tongue in the above graphic.  Obviously another drinker.  They are everywhere.




Did you know that The Holy Webmaster is the only person on Earth not to do a stint in Fleetwood Mac?



"Blessed are the cheese makers"



komuneko papera bukatu hau urte!

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Copyright 2001 Brian Brett